How I Handled All of the Things I’ve Never Talked About
“People often forget there is a human being behind the face of their fearless leader”.
There are many difficult things I didn’t speak about over the years because when you’re the boss, your personal life is classified information. I was climbing up the ladder so quickly and all I wanted was to be respected as a business woman. I always worried that if people knew how old I was or the challenges I was experiencing in my life, they would think that I was soft or not take me as seriously.
In any leadership role, you assume the responsibility to support everyone. It is your job to show up, look the part, set everyone up for success and make your team, clients and boss shine. You have to be consistent in maintaining your professionalism at all times, and naturally, people often forget there is a human being behind the face of their fearless leader.
It is difficult to be under this kind of pressure, and it can become very unhealthy. It is also incredibly overwhelming to navigate handling your own personal struggles such as sadness, heart break, and medical issues when you’re at the top. No matter what is going on in your personal life, it is critical that they never see you sweat. You don’t have the option to avoid situations or deal with issues when you’re in a better state of mind. So how do you handle life and leadership every day and all at once? I don’t know that this is necessarily a recipe for secret sauce, but here’s a few things that worked for me.
As a result of being out on my own so young, my tolerance for pain and politics is higher than average so I can usually handle everything. But I have learned that regardless of how fierce you are, you have to map out an evacuation plan for extreme circumstances, like when you need to cry. I think it is important to insert here that I share this message with all people in leadership positions, as I have witnessed both men and women break down emotionally while on the clock. That’s right, all leaders cry when the pressure becomes impossible. For me, it was the ladies room with a single stall furthest away from my team. If you’re like me, once you finally hit your breaking point there is no time, the tears are coming hard and fast, and you need to remove yourself immediately. It also helps to bring your phone and call your mom for reassurance (thanks, Mom!).
Leadership is lonely, and I used to think that asking for help made me weak. Over time I learned how absolutely critical it is to vent to avoid taking your frustration and emotions out on your team, or client. There is a specific time and place for this to be appropriate and the higher up you are on the org-chart, the less options to find friends at work.
“Leadership is lonely, and I used to think that asking for help made me weak. The higher up you are on the org-chart, the less options to find friends at work. ”
Photographer, Wendy Alana