Empowering Change, with Lohifa Acker
In this space I deliberately focus on speaking up about the things that no one talks about with the intention to humanize the experience from both a business and lifestyle perspective - and how the two correlate. My mission has always been to teach, empower and inspire others. I am an ambassador for all people. I represent a building bridges, we’re in this together approach while raising collective awareness.
As a personal brand, the dialogue that is published in this space highlights my own experiences. I strongly believe that listening is a form of how we learn, so I had the idea to expand on that by sharing the mic. To allow my audience an opportunity to learn from the experiences of others, too. So, I welcome you to a new chapter of this blog where I will be sharing the voices of others as I unpack each and every story through the art of conversation and connection. This space fosters community, collaboration, togetherness and a collective narrative.
Photography by, Robyn Russell
The unprecedented times that have lit up 2020 have been tragic, important and transformative to our growth as a society. As we reflect, many of us are asking ourselves: How will we move forward in our personal and professional lives, and within our communities? The majority recognize that we have work to do. Pandemic aside, we have a worldwide problem. It is a racial problem that we are all involved in and there is a lot at stake if we don’t recognize that it exists. Every single one of us have a responsibility to act whether it’s inside of ourselves or outside of ourselves. We can’t just sit back at this stage, not anymore. One of the ways I learn is through connection with others, as I continue to assess my own unlearning and as I evolve in my personal and professional practices. What a privilege.
Lohifa Acker (Lo) and I found ourselves on a Zoom call first thing in the morning on a Tuesday. Lo greeted me with her infectious smile and warm spirit, even though I learned that she was slightly sleep deprived after her two young kiddos had crawled into bed with her at 4:00am. At the time, Lo and I had never met in real life, but in the months prior we had become fast friends online. When I decided to roll out this initiative, I knew I wanted to hear from Lo. I asked her if she would be willing to go through the emotional labour to create collective awareness and understanding, and her response was that she and her community would mutually embrace me with open arms - the essence of community and togetherness.
“I believe that each person exhibits their own unique beauty and brilliance that should be celebrated each and every day.” -Lo
This vibrant woman is a Hamilton based Hair Artist and self-titled Happiness Ambassador. She is a lover of life and all that encompasses it. As the Owner and Stylist at LoDidThat, Lo believes that each person exhibits their own unique beauty and brilliance that should be celebrated each and every day. She is a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Lo’s mission is to foster a diverse and inclusive community that is looking good, living well, loving life and empowering others to do the same. I deeply admire Lo’s positive and upbeat perspective. I find her passion to be contagious and truly inspiring. If I could use one word to describe Lo it would be, beautiful. The beauty you see on the outside is a result of what’s happening on the inside. She’s authentic by definition of the word, and that is beautiful.
Throughout her life, Lo has lived around the globe. She is highly educated academically, culturally and intellectually. She was born in Nigeria, but she and her family spent a number of years in the United Kingdom and Canada. Her first experience of racial prejudice was in British Columbia, when a transit driver consciously drove past her while she was waiting at a bus stop. She never understood what that was until years later. “I probably would assume that he didn’t see me if he wasn’t looking at me, but he was looking right at me. He smiled like; you’re not getting on my bus.” Lo was just sixteen at the time.
She travelled back to Nigeria for a number of years before settling into her home in Hamilton Ontario, where she met her husband and they had two beautiful children together. One of the deciding factors that lead her to change her last name to that of her husband and kids was to ease the process of travelling as a family. People would stare while out in public because her son Myles, 5 and daughter Aoife, 3 are biracial. When they travel, Lo often gets stopped and questioned and even after changing her name, Lo continues to be asked to call her husband to validate that these are in fact her children. “I can see that it’s difficult to believe that I’m their mother.” To date, changing her last name has not improved the travelling process for her family.
Lo’s husband, Devon, is Canadian with a Scottish, Irish and British heritage. He is very impacted by issues of racism, sometimes more so than Lo because she has had more experience. Lo is the first Black woman that Devon has been in a relationship with. He understands on a deep level that because of his background, upbringing and exposure (or lack thereof), it has limited his consciousness to where it needs to be. Lo says he is very self-critical. It humbles her that Devon is able to be so vulnerable and in touch with himself. Racism is something that is now prominent in Devon’s everyday life and he continues to do the work, listen, and he makes the necessary adjustments. As a unit, Lo and Devon understand that the world will see their children as Black. They don’t want their kids to absorb what it is now; they want them to identify with what it should be. Lo and Devon both come from a perspective of celebration when it comes to educating their children. So, they teach them about respect for all people despite the fact that Myles & Aoife don’t even see colour. Mommy is black, Daddy is white. All these children see are human beings. Perhaps we can all learn something from the perspective of Myles and Aoife.
We as white people, need to open our eyes and really pay attention to what’s going on around us. We cannot tell ourselves that racism is not a current problem. If we do, we are just as ignorant as the man who told Lo to wait in another line at a local superstore just a few short months ago.
In the peak of the pandemic, she waited for over an hour in an attempt to do her weekly grocery shop. Naturally, she had got to talking with those in line around her. A stay at home Dad in front of her, and the young woman behind her, a teacher. When Lo finally got to the front of the line, the grocery clerk (a middle aged white male) asked if she was a senior. (Really?) He then asked her if she was a health care worker which she is not. He told her that she was in the wrong line and that she would have to go wait “over there”. There were no signs or staff directing shoppers to various lineups, and even after she told the clerk she had been waiting an hour, he would not let her in the store (an hours’ worth of people all ages had entered without any questions).
Besides being overwhelmed with the pandemic and the fact this was all happening, Lo thought about the people behind her who had also been there for just as long. Rather than delay the process for the others any further, she left. “You have to decide if it’s worth all of your efforts and if you address these racial aggressions every day. Because you would be angry and exhausted. It was the easiest thing to do at the time. Was it the best thing to do, perhaps not.”
A week or so after having this conversation with Lo, I kept thinking about what I would have done if I had been the person standing in line behind her that day. I’d like to think I would demand for the clerk to let her into the store, and if he said no, I would leave with her and take her out for coffee. I felt compelled to make a call to the store. I got the manager on the line and he was a spunky older sounding man. I got the impression he was having a pretty fine day until I spoke the words, ‘racial profiling’, and the tone changed instantly. He requested a specific date and time as the only way to effectively track the situation and he told me the store is an extremely diverse group. You see, we’re so busy trying to defend the status quo that we don’t listen and isn’t that just the very essence of the problem!? As long as we’re defending our behaviour, we’re not really hearing what just happened to another human being. The knee jerk response is to defend the brand and the ways we behave when what we really need to do, is listen. We’ve always been the ones doing all the talking and that has got to change.
“You have to decide if it’s worth all of your efforts and if you address these racial aggressions every day. Because you would be angry and exhausted.” -Lo
Lo is glad to see people stepping in to actively have these conversations, ask questions, diversify relationships and explore life outside the comfort zone and social circles. She says she is absolutely sure that people will come to find there is so much beauty outside of the comfort. Lo and I also talked a great deal about self-reflection, self-compassion and how moving away from shaming each other will have a greater impact and inform the change humanity needs. To demonstrate respect towards everyone regardless of their background.
Lo and I share our beliefs in kindness and the importance of consciousness within yourself, your behaviour and the impact in terms of how you make people feel. Be aware of your words, your actions and your demeanour because body language speaks. These are examples of micro-aggressions that can demonstrate racism in a different form. Lo believes the most important thing is to act in love. “When you’re acting in love you can’t go wrong. Regard, respect, kindness, these are all of the things that are encompassed by love. Anger is a natural response which is understandable. However, anger is futile if it’s not channelled properly. Anger has to be transformed in order for us to make a difference. You can’t be angry within and achieve positive goals.”
Photography by, Robyn Russell
Racism is taught. At our core, none of us are born racist, but we have been educated to see and believe race to be a divide, so we have to start asking the questions. How would life be if we decided that there is only one race? (Humanity) How do we collectively make life better for Lo? These are the questions we have to ask ourselves, and we should be so gracious that Lo demonstrates such love and kindness.
If you are feeling angry, shame and/or guilt, Lo would tell you to try to not stay there for too long. As you are being awakened to these realities, consider what you have done or haven’t done, and then begin to take active steps to change yourself. Change your character, attitude and develop a new way of thinking towards these issues and then help others do the same. When you begin to act that’s when it becomes love, and love is the more productive route to take. It is time to move forward actively and deliberately do everything that will change this status quo. And as the white woman here, I would add to that by saying, as long as we’re defending our behaviour, we’re not really hearing what just happened to another human being.
With love, Dallas & Lo
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Lo, thank you for being here. I see you, I stand with you, and you’ve got a sister in me.
Huge thank you to Robyn Russell for your collaboration and talent on this project.
[IG: @lodidthat + @robynrussell]