Work Life Balance - A Series, Part One
If you work for yourself you feel like you have to hustle all the time or you will fail, and if you’re working for someone else you don’t have as much control over your schedule. There is a common trend that we are all seeking more “work life balance” and quality of life. But how? There is never enough time to create that space for ourselves. It seems like an unattainable standard that leads to a constant feeling of failure. My opinion on this has evolved and I will share everything I’ve learned throughout this series.
My intention is to highlight three fundamental stages in my journey to find balance. In part one I am sharing how I became AWARE so I could move on to make some big change in my life. Then I had to get into personal ALIGNMENT to determine what those changes actually looked like (part two). Full disclosure, this second part was nothing less than a personal battle of self-discovery for me. And finally, in part three I give you the inside scoop on what my life looks like now and how I maintain balance, self-care and BOUNDARIES as I navigate through starting my own business and entrepreneurship as the turbo multi-tasking perfectionist that I am.
I am writing this series not only because it has come by popular demand, but exactly one year ago I was extremely overwhelmed with layers on layers of stress and anxiety accumulated over 15 years in high intensity jobs and some heavy experiences going on in my personal life. Everything is different now because I learned how to listen to my body, and I have done my work to implement balance and create the life that I want today. Regardless of your situation in life or in your career, at some point we all experience stress and anxiety and by sharing, it creates the connection that we are not alone. This series is based on my own personal journey, and I hope it can become a little guidebook of inspiration to help you create the life that you want, too.
When you’re not aware of what’s really going on, you cannot recognize that change is even necessary.
I struggled with work life balance for most of my career, and there were many times I considered walking away, but the opportunities were always knocking at my door. Between the demanding expectations and the fact that I loved my job so much, I was functioning at a pace that I would not consider to be normal. Even when I wasn’t at work, I was always at the mercy of non-stop phone calls and urgent emails regardless of the time of day. There was no escape from my golden handcuffs so I could not find the balance. When you’re not aware of what’s really going on, you cannot recognize that change is even necessary. This time last December there was a pivotal moment when I realized there was no longer any other option than to change my life. I had no idea what that meant, or that the journey ahead would lead me to quit my job without a difinitive backup plan.
There was a series of events that led me to get here. From a chronic headache to dizziness to heart palpitations, the list goes on. The pressure at work was causing me to feel slightly depressed because nothing was ever good enough. I had also been going through a lot of grief in my personal life, so it was all just too much. My doctor recommended I take two weeks off which I found rather inconvenient at the time. If you can believe it, I thought I had to find a way to beat the system by staying connected remotely because there was no one else to do my job. But it turns out when your doctor writes your employer a note like that, they have to take it pretty seriously. So offline I went, and I decided a two-week break would be just what I needed to return to work as good as new! Keep reading…
All I had planned to do with my time off was clean my house from top to bottom. Then I found out that two of my girlfriends were taking a fitness class in the mornings so I figured that would give me something else to do. I had dabbled with this little fitness studio called Fit Barre when I first moved to Hamilton. It’s up the street from my house but the commute never allowed for me to make the classes in time. Going to a new gym or place of fitness is intimidating, and still being new to the community I only knew a small handful of people. There were a lot of layers to my insecurities of being in this new environment, but there I was at 6:30am on Monday with no expectations. On the outside, I’m sure to the instructors and the other people in that class I was just a regular woman trying out a new fitness studio. But on the inside, I was someone who was very lost and in a lot of emotional pain, killing time until I would eventually go back to the old routine.
“I had no idea that the journey ahead would lead me to quit my job without a backup plan.”
Sarah Johnson, Founder, Fit Barre Hamilton
I fumbled my way through the choreography for my first few classes, but I quickly got over trying to be good at it. A combination of the instructors calling me out by name praising my strength and good form, and the fact that I was now starting the day with my girls instead of sitting on the train. After a couple of days, I felt empowered like I had a purpose that wasn’t centered around my career, and I started to make friends with the regulars who I would see each morning. The members were all different ages and fitness levels but very warm and welcoming, it felt like a family and I didn’t have to earn any street cred to be a part of their world. At the time, I did not understand the depth of my emotional stress. Until the morning when everything changed, all because of this little fitness studio.
At the end of each class there are a series of stretches, ending with a forward fold (the one when you’re sitting on the floor and you lean forward to reach for your toes). While we are here, the instructor tells us to close our eyes and take a deep inhale and exhale. Then one more time to take the deepest breath we will take all day. When I closed my eyes and took the deepest breath I could take, I became completely overwhelmed with heartache. I often talk about being perceived as someone who has always lived at the top but that for a great deal of my life, I have felt very small. Well, let me tell you I have never felt smaller than I did in this moment. As I inhaled a huge weight came over me because I couldn’t remember the last time that I actually took a breath, what a seriously sad feeling to process. Although I felt pathetic it was a huge sense of relief to take this breath. When I exhaled, my eyes filled up with tears because I realized I was suffocating in my own life. I repeat, suffocating-in-my-own-life.
If you’re passionate about your job, practice self-care.
If you’re not passionate about your job, find a hobby to get passionate.
After I took the deepest breath I’ve ever taken in my entire life and I left the studio, that’s when the real breakthrough happened that has changed everything for me. For whatever reason, I walked home loving myself that day. Something that I truly had not felt before because for as long as I could remember I had been consumed by taking care of everyone else. I knew that I had to start looking after me from now on, whatever that meant. But the journey ahead was not going to be easy or comfortable. My two-week sabbatical was extended for the remainder of that month and then I went back to work. Three months later, I quit.
The decision to leave was nothing less than impossible, battling with the narrative in my head telling me two different stories. Intuition was empowering me to take a leap of faith and walk away, and my head was convincing me I was too good at my job and I had worked too hard to leave. But even though I loved what I did, I had finally found the confidence to love me more. Deep down I knew balance would never exist working at the executive level in the hospitality and service industry, so I made the choice to step away. My message is not quit your job if you want to have work life balance. Whether you are working for yourself or for someone else, I have learned that balance comes with setting firm boundaries and practicing self-care. I still have a lot of work to do, and the work will never stop. I don’t know how to do anything less than 100%, but I know that I do my best 100% when I take care of me, first.
Photography by, Wendy Alana